


Catharsis

by Fandom_Trash224



Series: Harrna Shuchi and the 473rd [4]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, I'm not really sure how to tag this?, Lot of emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-02 06:44:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19193791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandom_Trash224/pseuds/Fandom_Trash224
Summary: Burner cools down, Tin brings up something that probably should've been ignored, and there's... SOME semblance of okay is reached.





	Catharsis

The general’s new padawan was not fit to be a commander. Burner had come to this conclusion rather quickly after meeting the young woman, who had apparently come from another master that had perished in a battle on the outer rim. 

The kid, Eileena, had only hit 17 standard the month prior, was soft-spoken, insecure, and very,  _ very _ Jedi-minded. The last part wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but being Jedi-minded meant being peace-minded,  _ diplomacy _ -minded, and in a war like the one they were fighting, that was a mindset one had to push to the side as the enemy advanced with no promise of mercy. They were in a warzone, and a warzone was no place for a Jedi. At least, not a very good one.

Burner stilled his hands, his armor only half-polished when he realized what he had just thought. 

_ “See vod, it’s not that I hate the Jedi. I have a lot of respect for them, actually, it’s just that they shouldn’t be fighting in this war. They weren’t trained for it. We were. A warzone is no place for a Jedi, or at least a good one.” _

Burner clenched the rag he was holding, a bubble of anger expanding in his chest and swallowing his heart for the briefest of moments. It had been a sentiment from his commander, before Kamino got a hold of him and replaced him with an empty husk, calling it their captain, not even bothering to remove the tattoos, even though they took everything else.

He took a deep breath, and eased up his grip on the rag, and continued his work. Polishing his armor didn’t help with the frustration, it never did, but it gave him something to do, something else to focus on. He knew that if he picked a fight while Harrna was talking with the other Jedi, he’d get in more trouble than usual, and if the other Jedi discovered the type of ship, or even the type of fleet, that Harrna was running, everything they had ever built would come tumbling down.

Burner refused to let that happen, so he kept polishing. He was so focused on focusing on the activity that he hadn’t even noticed Tin enter the otherwise empty barracks until the pilot was almost right in front of him. Burner looked up from what he was doing, his actions slowing, but not stopping. His lips twitched upward for the barest of moments before his face settled into a deep scowl, Burner’s preferred choice of expression when he didn’t want to interact with someone. Tin did not get the message, or if he did, he didn’t care much, because he sat on the edge of the bunk opposite to Burner. He didn’t say anything, which Burner was almost grateful for.

They sat in silence for some time, Tin flipping something smooth and small in his hands, Burner polishing his armor until he couldn’t anymore. When Burner put down the chestplate with a heavy sigh, Tin looked up from the small object in his hands, a small, nervous smile on his face. Burner looked at him with a neutral expression, but didn’t move from his bunk. It took time for Tin to work up the courage to speak sometimes, a leftover from when Kamino attempted to turn him into a husk as well, and it was obvious he wanted to speak, so Burner waited. He was by no means a patient man, but something about the way Tin was looking at him, the way he held himself, Burner found it in himself, past the bubble of anger, to wait for Tin to speak.

“You know what today is, right?” Tin asked quietly, looking back down at the object (a small, rust-colored stone, Burner realized). Burner arched his good eyebrow, confused. Tin glanced up, before glancing back down. “It’s been a whole year since the four of us survived the ambush.”

The rage that had bubbled in his chest disappeared into the pit that had just opened in his stomach. 

“That’s today?” Burner asked, his rough voice grating on his own ears “Are you serious?”

Tin nodded, shifting slightly on the bunk. It was Burner’s turn to look down at his hands, his mind reeling. Had it really been a year? A whole year since the small squad that the 473rd derived from had been ambushed, leaving only three clones and their Jedi left. A year since Tin had flown a gunship and went down with it, found later with such an aversion to flying that the mere mention of him piloting a ship threw him into a panic attack? A year since Harrna let Verb try to escape the life that he had been forced into, only to later be caught? A year since Burner’s life changed? A year since  _ Burner _ had changed? 

How hadn’t he noticed?

“Harrna’s probably going to break out some of the booze she brought from Coruscant, you know how she gets on days like this. Whiteout doesn’t really know about this stuff, so he’s probably just going to make sure Harrna doesn’t drink herself to death. Since the only other survivors are doing something I don’t want to intrude on, I was wondering if you wanted to do something. Together.” Tin said, his words rushed out towards the end. Burner looked up at his brother, studying his face. 

“I thought Harrna gave up drinking after what happened when we won that moon a few months back.” He said, keeping the question in the back of his mind to ponder whether or not he wanted to spend the time wallowing in his hurt and frustration alone, or with someone else.

“You and I both know she says that every time she drinks. She’s pretty good about keeping the promise, but…”

“Yeah,” Burner said, remembering all the times he had spotted the general out of the corner of his eye at 79’s after the short but harsh campaigns they were sometimes assigned to “And, you’re sure Whiteout’s gonna take care of her?” 

“Well, it’s either he is, or he’s going to get someone else to while he gets through the day himself, but like I said, he--” Tin cut himself off as he looked up, eyes widening. He quickly stood to attention, and Burner turned around to see who had just walked in. As soon as his eyes hit the captain’s, the rage that had dissipated slowly began to swell again, though not nearly as fast. He wondered if it was because he could tell how nervous the brother behind him was, or if it was because of the day it was, or something else, but it didn’t matter. He scowled.

“Captain,” Burner said with venom, not even bothering to stand up as he looked away, eyes on the ground “What brings you to our humble barracks?”

“Burner--” Tin warned, but stopped as Whiteout began to slowly approach, stopping and standing just between the ends of the two bunks. His eyes glanced between Tin and Burner, and he spoke.

“Stutter said he’ll keep an eye on the general tonight. Venom and Sting offered to take turns watching her as well. I’m personally hoping that she’s so busy with her new padawan that she doesn’t find the time to drink.”

Tin relaxed as the captain spoke, slowly sitting back down on the bunk, the small stone still in his hands. It seemed to catch Whiteout’s attention, as his eyes suddenly became almost laser-focused on the object.

“Where’d you get the worry stone?” Whiteout asked, and Tin blinked, looking down at the rock before looking back up at the captain.

“Oh, uh, Harrna gave it to me. That first mission from after we got picked up from Kamino, remember that planet? She found this stone and gave it to me, said it was perfect to help me calm down.”

“Yeah,” Burner cut in, unable to stop himself and his bitter tone “But I guess you wouldn’t remember it too well, considering you were practically a droid at the time.”

“Burner!” Tin hissed, and Burner only shot him a look and an eyeroll. If Whiteout was phased by this, he didn’t show it. The most he did was place a hand on his hip, making an expression of “are you fucking kidding me”. 

“Okay,” Whiteout said “Anybody want to tell me what the fuck is going on today? Because the general’s planning on drinking as though it’s the end of the world, one of you has been moping around all day, and  _ you _ are being a bigger asshole than usual.”

Tin looked nervously between Burner and Whiteout, the tension suddenly palpable in the air. As soon as Tin opened his mouth, Burner spoke over him.

“Nothing you need to worry about,  _ sir _ ,” he spat, Tin making a distressed face at his words “It something between the original squad members.”

“Burner, he was--” Tin tried to speak, but Burner was too fast.

“ _ Commander Verb _ was, Tin,” he snapped, growling “This is Captain Whiteout. He doesn’t remember what happened that day. It’s not his problem.”

“It  _ is _ my problem when the people around me are self-destructing over it.”

“I am  _ not _ self-destructing--”

“And the Kaminoans told me I was special! Oh, now looks like  _ both  _ of us are spewing banthashit!”

Suddenly, stunned silence.

_ And the Kaminoans told me I was special. Now looks like both of us are spewing banthashit. _

“Don’t,” Burner growled, clenching a fist as he stood “You.  _ Ever _ . Say. That. Again.”

“Burner, wait,” Tin pleaded, but his voice was hushed, almost in awe “Maybe--”

“Shut the  _ fuck _ up, Tin! Verb is  _ gone _ , and I’m not about to stand here and let this  _ husk _ stand there and say the things he said!” Burner was shouting now, but he didn’t care. It felt  _ good _ , and he didn’t  _ care _ if it didn’t feel that way for everyone else.

“What if he’s not gone, though?” Tin shouted back, also standing up “What if he’s still in there, just buried--”

“How can you be so  _ stupid _ ? You know what the Kaminoans did to him! They almost did the same thing to you!”

“That’s how I know! Some part of Verb is still in there! Harrna couldn’t save him completely, but--”

“It’s Harrna’s  _ fault _ that the two of you ended up there in the first damn place!”

“No it wasn’t! How could you say that?”

“Because it’s true! She knows it, and I know it! Stop trying to talk about shit you don’t know anything abo--”

“That’s  _ enough _ !” Whiteout shouted over the two of them, causing them both to jump. “I don’t know what the hell this is all about, but--”

“Then stay  _ out _ of it,  _ sir _ .” Burner growled, and he received a look that was so angry and annoyed that Burner actually was afraid he’d gone too far. But, slowly, the anger melted into resignation, and Whiteout sighed before continuing.

“I… I feel as though I  _ should _ know. Like it’s a word, and it’s on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t quite figure it out. It’s something that  _ should _ be there, but it’s  _ not _ .” Whiteout said, and his voice was strained, and Burner, deep down, almost felt bad (key word being  _ almost _ )  “I don’t know what this is all about, why this day hurts you all so much, but I’ll be damned before I let you all hurt yourselves- not to mention each other- over it. So, I’m sorry Burner, but I’m  _ not _ going to stay out of it.”

There was another beat of silence, and Burner felt all the anger and bitterness be washed away in a tide of grief all at once, and he sat back down on his bunk, his head in his hands. Tin sat down slowly as well, fiddling with the small, smooth worry stone. The tension in the air went slack, leaving only a dark cloud in its wake. Burnout heard Whiteout walk closer, shift, and, suddenly, he felt the Whiteout lean against Burner’s legs as the captain sat on the floor beside the bunk. 

“You’re right. Both of you are, technically. I’m… I’m not Verb. There’s parts of him left, bits and pieces I can feel sometimes, moments of déjà vu where I’m almost positive I’ve done something like this before, sayings I’m not sure about the origin of, that kind of stuff. I’m not trying to replace him, to be someone I’m just…  _ not _ , I’m not even asking you to treat me like you treated him, or to even let me in on  _ everything _ , just…  _ talk  _ to me,  _ vod _ .”

_ Just talk to me, vod. _

Burner, later, would deny crying. Tin wouldn’t, but he wouldn’t tell anybody that Burner cried too. Nobody ever asked him, but if they had, Whiteout wouldn’t deny crying either, shedding tears for the man he used to be. The men  _ they _ used to be. 

Eileena would be found beside her master in the medbay the next morning, helping Harrna nurse a massive hangover, and, as the padawan scolded her master with such a ferocity that one would’ve thought  _ she _ was the master, Burner decided that maybe, just maybe, things would be more okay than he thought.

(Didn’t make it hurt any less, though.)

**Author's Note:**

> i promise i have happier stuff on the way for the 473rd, I just have a lot of this sort of stuff first
> 
> clone wars tumblr: clonesdeservebetter.tumblr.com


End file.
